A Cool story (maybe) but a long one

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tk901

A Cool story (maybe) but a long one

Post by tk901 »

It's a story i made by a dream, i don't remember too much the dream but i created the whole plot on that basis, i hope you like it, it's a dialogue mostly

It all started on 147 ABY....
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A Long Time Ago. In a Galaxy Far, Far Away....

Peace! The Galactic alliance has been rebuilt and the reign of Darth Krayt and the Empire has crumbled, peace has kept the systems in line, but the Third Imperial Remnant is still a grave problem to the Galactic Alliance and has sworn that they would have revenge.
The Galactic Alliance has explored far beyond the Outer Rim and discovered some new planets, some inhospitable but others are convenient.
One of those is Ralkalesh, a swampy planet far beyond the Galactic Alliance pleasures, but they still let some defenses in order to establish a base, but the Imperial Remnant wants Ralkalesh as a secret base and an assault on the planet will be good enough to gain more time and reinforce themselves....

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Imperial Admiral: Planet defenses analysis finish sir. We have to rip trough one Scythe-class battle cruiser, three Saberthoot-class frigates and two GA support ships; ah! And some CF9 Crossfire starfighters sir.

Imperial Commander: That sounds a little bit though, as we only got four Imperial Two but damaged from our last battle and w-.

Imperial Pilot: Sir we are approaching Ralkalesh. We should arrive in five minutes. Orders sir?

Imperial Commander: Yes, all pilot to their fighters and don’t get too close to those CF9.

Imperial Pilot: Roger.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Meanwhile the time was finishing; the Imperials were planning their strategy, and the pilots were getting to their fighters.

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Imperial Admiral: We arrived at Ralkalesh sir.

Imperial Commander: Maximum firepower on those turrets, Admiral.

Imperial Admiral: Roger. Maximum firepower on the turrets.

GA Admiral: Sir we got enemy ships on sector 10.30.

GA Commander: How many?

GA Admiral: 4 Star Destroyers and some fighters.

GA Commander: Set attack pattern B5.

GA Admiral: Roger.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The battle began...

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TIE Oppressor Pilot Leader: CF9 crossfire incoming, set turrets to 3.40 and fire.

Tie Oppressor Pilot: Roger.

Imperial Turret Controller: Scythe-class battle cruiser at 4.3, set maximum firepower on the shield generator.

CF9 Pilot Leader: Set s-foils in attack position, TIE Oppressor at 9.1, get them by the front, the rear guns are too powerful for our hull and stop them to get to any capital ship they're redoubtable.

CF9 Pilot: Roger that.

GA Commander: The main targets should be the frigates, move out and set range at 0.06.

GA Turret Controller: Sir, can we take all the energy from the shields in order to strike them hard?

GA Commander: Yes, permission granted.

Imperial Admiral: What is this? Sir, the Scythe-class has no shields, should we attack now?

Imperial Commander: Yes, All fighters and turrets attack the Scythe-class and reduce it as much as you can.

Tie Oppressor Pilot Leader: CF9 on your tail, watch out.

CF9 Crossfire Pilot Leader: Don't get too close to those turrets Garnilam.

CF9 Crossfire Pilot (Garnilam): I know how to...Ahhhh!... I've been hit....Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!.....

Tie Oppressor Pilot: One down.

Tie Oppressor Pilot Leader: I’m receiving communications....

Imperial Commander(Comlink): All fighters and turrets, attack the Scythe-class and reduce it as much as you can.

Tie Oppressor Pilot Leader: Roger. All fighters set turret to those CF9 and hit the Scythe class as much as possible.

Tie Oppressor Pilot(1): Roger.

Tie Oppressor Pilot(2): Copy.

GA Admiral: What’s this?

GA Commander: What's what?

GA Admiral: They are aiming at us, and the fighters are coming right ahead.

GA Commander: Activate the shields!

GA Admiral: We need two minutes for the system to recover!

GA Commander: Let the turrets do the job.

GA Admiral: We have the personnel only in the long range ones.

GA Commander: Oh no... Activate the jump to lightspeed now!

GA Major: Yes commander.... Nooo!...... Ahhhhhhhh!

___________________________________________________________________________________________

The Oppressors made a proton torpedo run on the Scythe-class cruiser and destroyed the control tower and after that, they destroyed the ship, meanwhile the frigates were standing some resistance they were trying to communicate with survivors.

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GA Mayor: Reneal survivors? Do you copy? Anyone there? Mmmmm... Sir we have no communications and they-.

Reneal Survivor(Comlink): Ahhh... I’m a survivor, the commander said to go to lightspeed and w... Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!..... Noooo!... They... They damaged the shield generator... i... i can’t withstand enough to get to you, jump to hyperspace and I’ll try to do so.

GA Admiral: Well, that does it, prepare to jump to lightspeed, destination: Tatooine.

Imperial Officer: They are falling back! We won!

Imperial Commander: Don't get too excited, we just made them flee; but i think they will return; we have to hurry, in the meantime: all troopers, land!
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Maveritchell
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Re: A Cool story (maybe) but a long one

Post by Maveritchell »

Moved to media forum.
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Re: A Cool story (maybe) but a long one

Post by plasmoidmonkey »

Whoa. Who are you and what did you do to the real tk901? Just kidding. Vastly improved over the original. It actually bears no resemblance to the original in any way, actually.
But you might want to put something other than dialogue. If the reader had no idea what is going on besides what the characters are saying, than it gets hard to understand. Of course, having the characters explain everything they do in excruciating detail like in most anime is even worse. Keep up the good work.
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